Like Mike in Stephen King’s IT, I was the member of my family who stayed behind when everyone else moved in other directions. I was something of a security blanket for my siblings in case anything went wrong. I was reliable in that way, I suppose. I managed to bury my Grandmother about 15 years ago and younger Aunt just last year, since no one ever made any plans to handle such arrangements.
So, I’m leaving, but still staying in New York (for now, anyway).
I’ve been toying with the new set of apartment keys in my pocket. I’m so scared and excited. If this goes south, there’s no backup plan, no safety blanket to catch me. I’m told I could always return Home, but Home is a Zoo, full of cats that run rampant because their owners can’t bear to be alone. I leave behind my older Aunt and cousin, and part of me feels diabolical for doing so. One has worked for someone for years out of loyalty, without getting paid for who knows how long. The other has never worked a day in their life, despite our pushes and offers to get her either situated in college or anything. Her Mom was happy to give her anything she needed. The only thing she couldn’t give was a sense of ambition. They were raised off of age old beliefs that there had to be a Man of the House around, which is really strange considering how long a family of women kept the house afloat all these years. I admire every woman who manages to do things her way and get things done. I wish I could’ve taught my family that. I wish I tried harder, but after twenty years, this place will never change. Unfortunately, I don’t make enough to carry the house and it’s maintenance on my own (which I’ve discussed with them repeatedly over the years). I’ve tried enough, I’ve cried enough. Time to move on.
I have no idea whether they’ll be able to survive without me, but I hope they find a way. I want them to. I truly do.
Imagine, though, if this does work out. This could be so much fun. A challenge, yes, but a fantastic one, at that. I’ll see how it turns out. I have a lot of packing and throwing out to do over the next few weeks. Moving makes you realize just how much you’ve accumulated over time. It’ll be a good opportunity for a Purge. My little brother is also doing the same, moving down to Texas later this month with a new job. He’s much better at it than I am, as the Marine life taught him how to live really small. I envy him for that, though I’m learning how to do it myself. We’ve been in touch every Saturday as of late, with him calling me and watching the movies that Kevin and Lisa host on their venues.
Now comes the tricky part for me. With taking on some of these new responsibilities, I may need to cut back on a few things or put more time in to them to make it worth it. My little home here on the web is hosted on a WordPress.org setup, meaning that all the hosting is paid for. It’s been a wonderful five years so far, but there may be a chance I’ll have to close up shop here. Perhaps even sell my motorcycle. We’ll see how it goes. Who knows? I might even be able to expand things, if I’m lucky.